So in a little over a month I will cross the threshold into 37. I'm saying it out loud and putting it in writing because I want and need to own that age. It's an age of major reflection for me. None of the women in my immediate family have had children after the age of 37; so I'm looking at all of my 20 something plans to get married and have a baby with a bit of regret and sadness.
Two years ago I met the most fascinating, intelligent man who disturbed my aura, damaged my personal defenses, and invaded my psyche. And I was glad. I helped him tear down the walls I had spent the last 6 years building up. From the moment I met him there was something about him that made me rethink the idea that the guy of my dreams didn't exist.
I'll preface the next statement by explaining that this man was 2 years younger than I was, but our interests meshed. With him I felt at home. Then one morning our sleepy haze gave birth to a discussion about the future. A discussion that revealed our similar views on child rearing, hopes and dreams and the type of life we hoped for.
Then he said the words that no woman in her 30s wants to hear. "You're an amazing woman, but by the time I'm ready to get married, it'll be too late for you to have children."
I've never been kicked in the gut, until that morning when I think I physically felt the words reverberate through my uterus.
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