Not all love stories are epic novels...

Not all love stories are epic novels; some are short stories, but that doesn't make them any less filled with love.

It's my favorite line from the Sex & the City movie. Ten years ago it would have disappointed me greatly, but I think I'm finally getting it.

Three years ago I found my childhood sweetheart; the boy I fell for at 6, the teen who got my hormones racing at 16, and now still catches my breath at 36. We are passionately attracted to each other. Unfortunately, it's clear that even though we are both still single; and that I'm going to love him for eternity we will not be together forever. Our worlds have changed too much, and his life goals don't include me.

I refuse to be sad about this. Instead, I'm living and loving in the moment. After all, I promised him that I'd be the smile on his face and the look in his eyes that his wife won't understand.

Part of me thinks that's an unfair notion; but the other part thinks that's a small price for her to pay for getting the life "I" wanted for myself.

Cougar Tendencies

My company has started hiring very attractive young men. Attractive as in tv/movie star good lucks, with the bodies to match. Young as in more than 10 years younger than I am.

I'm not sure if I should be ashamed of the raging crush I have on a 24 year old; a completely gorgeous 24 year old. I find myself sneaking glances; being extra helpful; and adorably sweet. I'm completely not myself - I'm hooked.

Aging must be a huge part of God's sense of humor. In my 20's this guy would have been out of my league; in my late 30's he's not even in my universe. I should be able to look at him and understand that time has passed and he's too young.

Yet somehow, that doesn't stop me from fixing my hair, adjusting my clothes, vamping up my expression, and slowing my step when I walk past his office...Just in case he likes older women.

Owning 37

So in a little over a month I will cross the threshold into 37. I'm saying it out loud and putting it in writing because I want and need to own that age. It's an age of major reflection for me. None of the women in my immediate family have had children after the age of 37; so I'm looking at all of my 20 something plans to get married and have a baby with a bit of regret and sadness.

Two years ago I met the most fascinating, intelligent man who disturbed my aura, damaged my personal defenses, and invaded my psyche. And I was glad. I helped him tear down the walls I had spent the last 6 years building up. From the moment I met him there was something about him that made me rethink the idea that the guy of my dreams didn't exist.

I'll preface the next statement by explaining that this man was 2 years younger than I was, but our interests meshed. With him I felt at home. Then one morning our sleepy haze gave birth to a discussion about the future. A discussion that revealed our similar views on child rearing, hopes and dreams and the type of life we hoped for.

Then he said the words that no woman in her 30s wants to hear. "You're an amazing woman, but by the time I'm ready to get married, it'll be too late for you to have children."
I've never been kicked in the gut, until that morning when I think I physically felt the words reverberate through my uterus.